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Resolved Question: How to get the thought of suicide out of my head?
Hi(: I'm Heather and I'm 12 years old I'm fun, loving, sweet and an extremely loyal friend I seem happy right? well guess what. IM NOT AT ALL I'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible. Because half of the people that read this. Lets face it only want their points and to leave please don't call me a melodramatic *****, or a drama queen, or a cocky ****(I sound pissy but Im not.. Im just trying to keep this as straight forward as possible) ect ect after all I hear enough of that everyday as it is. That's why I came here for help. I'm not going to go to far into details because you'll probably so I guess I'll just list the basic things 1. I have a twin sister with aspergers, I love her more then you could imagine.. but since socialization issues people constantly are mean to her at school. So I have to come in as a second mom and look after her.. as I said I love my sister.. but its just hard. Do you know what I mean? 2. My mom has had 10 boyfriends in her life.. which Im perfectly okay with! I mean its her choice. But she expects me to tell them I love them and to call them dad within the first 2 or 3 weeks Ive met them. And its just moving to fast for me. On top of that she was friends withbenefitss with 2 guys Ive never even met and thisoccurredd within the past month. Once again its herdecisionn but it makes me feelextremelyy uncomfortable hearing the moaning through the wall at night.. is that so wrong? 3. My mom hates me. Im not joking or beingdramaticc. She literally has flat out told me she hates me. Shes only physically abused me maybe 4 or 5 times (smacking, shoving me against the metal rim of a stationary bike, pushing me into the ground ect) but its mainly verbal or threatening to beat me. She tells me Im a selfishgoddamnn ***** and how I chase all her boyfriends away when Idon'tt even do anything, shes told me how much of afat-asss I am and that Idon'tt look after myself enough because I dress like a tomboy, how Im stupid because my gradesaren'tt the best, shes even told me she wishes I was never born.. you get the point. 4. I moved to a new school this year and better yet just started middle school so I haven made any friends, girls always talk about me behind my back about hom much of a ******* freak I am and how much offat fuckuck I am. Sofat fuckuck with an autistic sistthat'sats a double whammy to them! 5. Adults say, honey yaren'tent fat! But they only say that becauthat'sats how adults are. Im 190 pounds and 5don'tdont tell me Im not fat. because we both know I am 6. My real daddy wants nothing to do with me. I barley remember him because they broke up when I was 2.. all I know is that I was made after my mom had to much to drink after a jeff foxworthy concert. They ended up doing it in a motel across the streeThat'shats all I know. I was going through my moms old pictures in the garage. I found a picture of my daddy. I never understood why I look nothing like my mom. Im a splitting image of my dad. Dark green eyes, dark incredibly curly hair, same nose, same lips.. 7. My moms a smoker and a drinker. She never drank until she started dating her new boyfriend. and I mean NEVER. She smokes at least 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day.. and maybe aroun the amount of 4-5 beers a day. She loves jack, loggers, kahlua, dacares, pina coladas, tequila, wine (you get it 8haven'tvent really gotten to the point of cutting yet.. budon'tdont know where I got this from. I'll take a sharpie and write all over my body things lifat asstass, dork, freak, failuugly bitchitch" an stuff so I'll have a constant reminder of the girl I really am 9. I live in a trailer park, my moms a waitress, we have no insurance, were broke. so we constantly get made fun of for us being poor 10. Ive never lost anyone in my family before.. ever. So a few weeks ago. My aunt mary found my uncle tom.. in the basement.. hanging from a rope by his neck. suicide. I dont know if this is normal. But I didnt cry.. I was.. empty and emotionless. I was close to my uncle so I just sat for days staring at walls feeling nothing.. I almost didnt want to believe or comprehend that he was gone.. okay.. so this ended up kinda long, but honestly this is only half of it. These are just the things Im having the hardest time dealing with If you could read it.. I'd really appreciate it I just feel like I havepurposerpse in life every onesones lives would just be better without me. I love god with all my heart.. but things have been so bad Ive let go of him and started sinningdon'tdont know why but I have because Im a stupid girl How do I get the thought of suicide out of my head? I mean.. there' gotta be SOME reason I'm here... right? :/ Thank you for your time
Resolved Question: How to get suicide out of my head?
Hi(: I'm Heather and I'm 12 years old I'm fun, loving, sweet and an extremely loyal friend I seem happy right? well guess what. IM NOT AT ALL I'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible. Because half of the people that read this. Lets face it only want their points and to leave please don't call me a melodramatic bitch, or a drama queen, or a cocky shit(I sound pissy but Im not.. Im just trying to keep this as straight forward as possible) ect ect after all I hear enough of that everyday as it is. That's why I came here for help. I'm not going to go to far into details because you'll probably so I guess I'll just list the basic things 1. I have a twin sister with aspergers, I love her more then you could imagine.. but since socialization issues people constantly are mean to her at school. So I have to come in as a second mom and look after her.. as I said I love my sister.. but its just hard. Do you know what I mean? 2. My mom has had 10 boyfriends in her life.. which Im perfectly okay with! I mean its her choice. But she expects me to tell them I love them and to call them dad within the first 2 or 3 weeks Ive met them. And its just moving to fast for me. On top of that she was friends withbenefitss with 2 guys Ive never even met and thisoccurredd within the past month. Once again its herdecisionn but it makes me feelextremelyy uncomfortable hearing the moaning through the wall at night.. is that so wrong? 3. My mom hates me. Im not joking or beingdramaticc. She literally has flat out told me she hates me. Shes only physically abused me maybe 4 or 5 times (smacking, shoving me against the metal rim of a stationary bike, pushing me into the ground ect) but its mainly verbal or threatening to beat me. She tells me Im a selfishgoddamnn bitch and how I chase all her boyfriends away when Idon'tt even do anything, shes told me how much of afat-asss I am and that Idon'tt look after myself enough because I dress like a tomboy, how Im stupid because my gradesaren'tt the best, shes even told me she wishes I was never born.. you get the point. 4. I moved to a new school this year and better yet just started middle school so I haven made any friends, girls always talk about me behind my back about hom much of a fucking freak I am and how much offat fuckuck I am. Sofat fuckuck with an autistic sistthat'sats a double whammy to them! 5. Adults say, honey yaren'tent fat! But they only say that becauthat'sats how adults are. Im 190 pounds and 5don'tdont tell me Im not fat. because we both know I am 6. My real daddy wants nothing to do with me. I barley remember him because they broke up when I was 2.. all I know is that I was made after my mom had to much to drink after a jeff foxworthy concert. They ended up doing it in a motel across the streeThat'shats all I know. I was going through my moms old pictures in the garage. I found a picture of my daddy. I never understood why I look nothing like my mom. Im a splitting image of my dad. Dark green eyes, dark incredibly curly hair, same nose, same lips.. 7. My moms a smoker and a drinker. She never drank until she started dating her new boyfriend. and I mean NEVER. She smokes at least 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day.. and maybe aroun the amount of 4-5 beers a day. She loves jack, loggers, kahlua, dacares, pina coladas, tequila, wine (you get it 8haven'tvent really gotten to the point of cutting yet.. budon'tdont know where I got this from. I'll take a sharpie and write all over my body things lifat asstass, dork, freak, failuugly bitchitch" an stuff so I'll have a constant reminder of the girl I really am 9. I live in a trailer park, my moms a waitress, we have no insurance, were broke. so we constantly get made fun of for us being poor 10. Ive never lost anyone in my family before.. ever. So a few weeks ago. My aunt mary found my uncle tom.. in the basement.. hanging from a rope by his neck. suicide. I dont know if this is normal. But I didnt cry.. I was.. empty and emotionless. I was close to my uncle so I just sat for days staring at walls feeling nothing.. I almost didnt want to believe or comprehend that he was gone.. okay.. so this ended up kinda long, but honestly this is only half of it. These are just the things Im having the hardest time dealing with If you could read it.. I'd really appreciate it I just feel like I havepurposerpse in life every onesones lives would just be better without me. I love god with all my heart.. but things have been so bad Ive let go of him and started sinningdon'tdont know why but I have because Im a stupid girl How do I get the thought of suicide out of my head? I mean.. there' gotta be SOME reason I'm here... right? :/ Thank you for your time